“Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew: You’ll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it’s gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist. Maybe it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I don’t know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.” – Garden State
So lately, this quote has been continually popping up in my thoughts…
What is a home? Is it what Andrew says in this scene from “Garden State”? Does it just disappear one day until you create a new one for yourself. Looking at the state of my life right now, I think so.
I moved out to go to attend college almost three years ago and although I returned home for only for breaks and summer vacations I still felt that, that house was my home. Both of my older sister and I lived in that house with my parents our entire lives. My mom and dad put that very house on the market about a month and a half ago, three weeks later it had a contract on it. We move out at the end of April. Two weeks after we close in April my parents will be leaving to spend six in Florence, Italy. By the way, we don’t have a house to move into yet.. I think they’re planning to just rent an apartment for a few months when they get back from Italy until they find something they like.
Thinking about this upcoming summer I can’t help but feel a weird combination of both excited and weird. I’ll be living in an apartment literally right around the corner from the beach (excited). And I’ll be starting my internship (very excited). The things I’m weirded out about are 1) I’ll be living in St. Pete, not my home in Tampa. 2) My home in Tampa will now be some other family’s home. 3) My family won’t even have a “real” home for me to go visit, and even if they did its just going to be some empty house that I’m unfamiliar with, and 4) my parents won’t even be in the same country.
I’m really not one to get homesick or overly sentimental over matters like these but the combination of all the things I just mentioned with some of my unlucky and eventful experiences I’ve had while being home last summer (that’s a whole other story!) and the sudden realization that I’m about to graduate be a real person, have come to make me think maybe Florida, or at least the Tampa Bay area, is not where I’m supposed to end up when I graduate. Maybe, this is God’s way of pushing me out of my comfort zone and telling me I’m meant to be somewhere else this next part of my life. Maybe God is telling me my home is somewhere else.
My good friend Dori, pointed out Psalm 139:13-18 to me a year ago at our sorority’s Bible study. This situation reminds me of that verse and how God already knows where I’m going to end up.
My mom says whatever home they end up buying will still feel like home to my sister and I. I’m not sure if she’s right on that one.
As scary and weird it is to suddenly find yourself growing up a part of me is excited about it. I can’t wait to accomplish my goals and start a life for myself. I just didn’t realize how fast it was going to happen!
I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what happens next!